Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
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It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
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I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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