my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
