I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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