Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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