is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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