i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
