you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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