Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I would ride that face into the sunset
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
