i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
