3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
