South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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