My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
