My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
