Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
