Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
