does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize