I am in a vortex of obligation.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
