so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
foreskin is a definite game changer
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize