I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
