i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
