piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
