My boss' voice literally gives me gas
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
