Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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