im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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