i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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