You're completely useless in the revolution.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
