I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
