and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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