I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
