Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
