Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
