I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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