I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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