i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
