just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
