I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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