we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
