My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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