I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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