His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
