i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
