When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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