Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
