I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
