you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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