I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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