I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
