party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
