What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
