Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
