So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
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Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
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What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
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