Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
