vagina is talking i cant
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
