apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
