my text book just quoted the cookie monster
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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