I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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