M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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