I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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