I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
