Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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