...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
