I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
