I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
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