His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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