Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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