you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
