Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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