I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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