All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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