well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
so much tequila, so little girl.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
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